Only one TV channel has ever perfected the design of its pre-programme idents, and that channel is BBC2. It's now 16 years since BBC2 introduced its series ofanimated 2s (you know - the paint-splattered 2, the falling-blade 2, the spinning-shadow 2, and so on), and these are generally accepted as the best TV ident branding ever. Channel 4's colouredbars probably ran it a close second, but everybody loved the wit and clarity of the BBC2 twos. So much so that the series ran for a full 10 years, with additional animations introduced at regular intervals. Many of these new 2s were even better than the originals - the squeaky-jumping 2, the radio-controlled wheelie 2, the exploding 2, the fly-zapping 2, the doner-kebab 2, etc etc. Through such simple yet powerful branding, everybody knew that BBC2 stood for creativity, mischief and innovation. And it was never a chore to sit through the ten seconds before the start of each programme while the announcer told you what was coming up next.
Other channels have tried to emulate BBC2s idents, but never quite so successfully. The BBC1 balloons were loved by many but hated by others, while the BBC1 dancers left most generally unimpressed. Channel 4 has never quite regained the impact of its initial logo, and its latest 3D landscape compositions may be impressively epic but on repeated viewing feel over-clever and over-long. And ITV has triedincreasinglydesperately to mimic the branding success of the other channels but always fallen far short of cool. No, BBC2's 2s were unbeatable.
And then in 2001 BBC2 updated its image. Some chief executive, in her wisdom, decided that the old 2s were looking tired and needed updating for the 21st century. A new set of 2s were introduced, this time on a widescreen yellow background and each acting out some short vignette. Domino-toppling, fish-swimming, spot-scrubbing and rubbery-bouncing were all featured, and each ident was an expensive animated mini-masterpiece. Unfortunately, however, they were all a bit same-y and the channel's charm rapidly dissipated. So the new 2 could do acrobatics - who cared any more? And that's how BBC2's on-screen identity has been for the last six years - slightly underwhelming and lacking in impact.
Until this morning. Today (at 10am) a brand new series of BBC2 idents is launched. And hurrah, the proper 2s are back. There's a 2007 twist which is that each 2 is now "a window on the world". The camera pulls back each time to reveal that the 2 is actually the flap in a tent, or the mirror in a car, or a hole in a wave-sploshed breakwater, or even some chocolate sprinkled on the top of a cappucino. It could all be over-pretentious lifestyle rubbish, but I'm hopeful that some of the magic of the original branding will return. You can see a sneak preview of the seven new idents on the BBC2 website, and also here, here and here. Plus they've put together a special printable BBC2 idents wallchart (which sounds like it should be great, except they've somewhow managed to select all the wrong idents and missed the ones we really loved). But hurrah, the proper 2s are back (fingers crossed).
Ident review 10:00 Cappucino: Chocolate sprinkled through a wobbly metal grating to form a brown speckled 2 atop frothy coffee - then lovingly destroyed by a teaspoon-wielding hand (brown is an improvement on yellow, but grated chocolate may eventually grate)
11:30 Seascape: Epic offshore wave action, continuing slightly too long before pulling back through a 2-shaped hole in a wooden breakwater (that's somebody throwing a bucket of water through the gap, surely?) [watch]
12:00 Zoetrope: An updated Metropolis-esque skyscape is revealed to be a sequence of images in a spinning magic lantern [watch] 13:25 Chase: Trendily-shaggy action man runs up forest path, then escapes his captors by diving through a 2-shaped rocky portal (closely followed by a dog, awww, look, it's a cute ickle collie, awww)[watch] 15:00 Mirror: Raindrop illumination turns out to be headlamp reflected in oddly-positioned wing mirror as car speeds through night-time London (that looked like the Rotherhithe tunnel, and I definitely spotted Tower Bridge too)[watch] 16:35 Tent: A lot of unzipping finally opens a wholly impractical 2-shaped door in the canvas, allowing us to look out at a snowbound polar explorer (apparently there are alternative versions which feature a beach and an open-air pop concert)[watch] 23:50 Sunroof: Looking upward through a slowly-opening 2-shaped sunroof as a car drives beneath a a sunny canopy of idyllic green leaves (and the occasional lamppost)[watch]
1) China In London 2007: The Year of the Pig starts tomorrow, which is excuse enough for Mayor Ken to spend our taxes on a big oriental party. The main events are a grand parade around Chinatown (starts on the Strand at 11am), lots of dragon dances and Chinese arty stuff in Trafalgar Square, plus a couple of firework displays in Leicester Square (2pm and 5pm). And see how everything's been carefully timed to allow you to finish off your visit with a meal of saucy pigbits in a local Chinese restaurant? Cunning that.
2) Blue Badge Guide Walking Weekend: London's Blue Badge guides are a treasured resource. They know all there is to know about the capital, its heritage and its history, and normally they charge you lots of money to tell you about them. Not this weekend. Today and tomorrow they're offering their services for free, running eight guided walks around the centre of town (every hour on the hour from 11am to 3pm). No need to book, just turn up and enjoy a 2-hour stroll with intelligent commentary. I went on two of the walks last year and can heartily recommend the one through the City (starting at Liverpool Street) which was considerably more packed with historical fascinatingness than I was expecting. The London Bridge one this year, I think.
3) Hot Fuzz: It's a film (before you start worrying) from the team that brought you Shaun of the Dead. Simon Pegg plays over-successful police officer Nicholas Angel, reassigned from the Met to duties in the sleepy Gloucester market town of Sandford. Which turns out not to be quite as sleepy as it seems, because country folk are a strange protective bunch. This is an American cop film translated into rural England, which means Neighbourhood Watch vigilantes, gun battles in a local supermarket and death by hanging basket. There are cameo appearances from an unexpectedly wide range of mature British actors, and there's also an emotional depth to the plot which really shouldn't work but does. It's smartly amusing throughout and refreshingly different, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. [trailer]
4) Primeval (ITV1, tonight, 7:20): By law, every UK-based science fiction series must contain at least one story set on the London Underground. ITV's new dinosaur-hunting drama achieves this target in just its second week. Tonight we're promised giant scuttly insects emerging through a time portal to frighten commuters, and the team have only a lot of guns and their Oyster cards to despatch the lot of them. If episode 2 is anything like episode 1 it'll be a lot of enjoyable hokum, but it'll also give tube geeks endless opportunities to shout at their TV sets. "But Aldwych hasn't been open for 13 years!" "But there aren't any disused tunnels at Regent's Park" "But that bit of the District line isn't underground!" etc etc
5) Or just go and do whatever you were going to do this weekend anyway. You've probably already agreed to repaint the bedroom, or go visit Auntie Sheila in Coventry, or queue in IKEA for half the afternoon, or fly off to Copenhagen on a mini-break, or take the kids to the local park where they can meet up with their hoodie mates and practice knife-wielding skills. Your loss.
I used to live in West Drayton. I remember when it was all fields and trolleybuses. Bengo | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 9:01 am
But I think you'll find that trolleybuses never went to West Drayton. /pedant mr flibble | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 9:45 am
I know it's off-topic, but BlueHangman has written a must-read post about the blight of pan-European trade legislation on his blog http://straight-bananas.com Chief Whip | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 10:12 am
what mr flibble said. with nobs on. bigroostergirl | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 10:38 am
The standrad of english in some of these coments is apalling Jeppard | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 11:25 am
But I think the issue is one of self-censorship. It's only by confronting the past that we can truly challenge the future. David Cameron has a lot to lrean. Ken Harris | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 12:39 pm
Sorry, I meant "laern". Ken Harris | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 12:40 pm
Damn, I maent "learn". Ken Harris | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 12:41 pm
Not exactly relevent here but check this out:- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fflhbo79fo I may have to go & lie down quietly somewhere, this is just too funny. Dibber | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 2:09 pm
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. You will get kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. However, if you don't post this comment to at least 3 blogs, you will die within 2 days. Copy and paste this, to be saved. moxy | Email | Homepage | 16.02.07 - 5:21 pm
Cool update • Damian, one of the three presenters of Cool In Your Code(see Tuesday), has made the mistake of asking Londoners what they think of his Web TV handiwork. Here. And Londoners, as represented by members of the Fridaycities online community, have been rightly scathing in their replies. Mob justice can be enjoyable, but Damian (aka scribbler) has so far proved rather more thick-skinned than perhaps he deserves. • For a much better stab at cool I can recommend le cool - a brand new weekly email magazine for Londoners. The first edition was published today and features a selection of "carefully-filtered" cultural events and leisure activities. It may be a lot more twenty-something than forty-something, but I found the contents distinctly more relevant and savvy than Damian's Hoxton musings. You can read this week's edition of le coolhere (and maybe sign up to the weekly email here).
Hurrah! After nearly two decades of broadcasting the Brit Awards "tomorrow", the organisers have finally agreed to televise tonight's ceremony "tonight". Maybe they read my rant here last year and finally saw sense. At long last I can watch the event on the correct evening and hope that I see something great (rather than having to watch the next day and knowing that I won't). Will Russell Brand soar or flop? Will the producers manage to bleep out all the swear words in time. And will the listof winners end up looking identical to the Radio 2 playlist, again? Let's find out...
8:04 Late start. Hmm, maybe the programme's not live at all - maybe it's running with a 4 minute time delay. 8:06 The Scissor Sisters kick off the show with some cunningly-silhouetted creative choreography. Blimey that was clever. 8:10 Russell Brand looks slightly uncomfortable reading topical jokes off the autocue, but just about pulls it off. British Live Act (voted for by Radio 2 listeners, most of whom probably haven't been to a gig this century):Muse (ho hum) 8:16 Snow Patrol perform Chasing Cars, and then Fearne Cotton enthuses slightly too enthusiastically. 8:21 What do you think they do in the hall during the adverts? Maybe that's when Russell tells all the filthy jokes. British Breakthrough Act (voted for by Radio 1 listeners):The Fratellis (their acceptance speech includes tonight's first sound-dip) International Breakthrough Act (voted for by MTV viewers):Orson (quick, time to make a cup of tea) 8:34 Amy Winehouse gives a soulful performance which could easily have graced the Brits 1967 (had there been one) 8:37 Russell deftly slips in a joke about photographs of the Queen's private parts well before the watershed. British Male Solo Artist (in future to be renamed the 'James Blunt Memorial Award'):James Morrison 8:42 Fearne plugs the text vote for Best British Single. Eagle-eyed viewers may have spotted the on-screen smallprint which warns voters to end their text with "NO INFO" if they don't want to be sent marketing spam. International Male Solo Artist:Justin Timberlake (who uses the excuse of 'being on tour' to not turn up) 8:50 The Killers perform the only song everyone will still remember them for in 20 years time. British Female Solo Artist (from a super-abundant shortlist - no need for Bush or Lennox this year):Amy Winehouse 8:58 Just time for a quick "vagina" before nine o'clock - well done Russell. International Female Solo Artist:Nelly Furtado (Amy's speech sounded so much more genuine, I thought) 9:02 Take That patiently conquer the assembled crowd (but they look like they're evolving into the BeeGees) 9:10 Russell hurls a diatribe of intelligent insults at Sun journalists. I'm liking him more and more. British Band:Arctic Monkeys (who've dressed up as Wizard of Oz characters rather than turn up in person - it almost worked) International Album:The Killers - Sam's Town (watch this rocket up from #30 in the album chart on Sunday) 9:11 The Red Hot Chili Peppers demonstrate convincingly that some tattoos look better clothed. International Group:The Killers (as not voted for by the public, just faceless music business execs) 9:28 Russell introduces svelte singing starlet Corrinne bleep sound-dip Bailey rude-word censored Rae. British Single (voted for by txting viewers):Take That - Patience (they also won in 1993, 1994 & 1996 - what a comeback!) British Album:Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (now dressed as the Village People - are they trying to tell us something?) 9:40 Backstage Fearne asks Take That stupid questions, then gets over-moist anticipating Oasis. 9:45 "What a bloody show it's been, bloody hell." I think that about sums it up, Mr Brand. 9:46 Russell introduces Oasis at some length, telling lots of anecdotes but failing to mention that they make great music. Outstanding Contribution (ie a group who'll never win another award for their current stuff, but whose entire back catalogue is now available in all good record shops):Oasis 9:56 Oasis perform, and manage to make their three songs sound underwhelmingly similar. Probably because they are. 10:00 Sorry ITV, I'm not stayed tuned for your excessively-promoted lame new sitcom, I'm switching to BBC2 for Never Mind The Buzzcocks (the one where Preston strops off halfway through). Now that's music television.
5 reasons why being single is good for your health
5 reasons why being coupled is good for your health
1♥ It's impossible to book a table in a restaurant on Valentine's Day, not that anybody ever invites you out for a three course dinner in a restaurant anyway.
1♥ That charming Mediterranean restaurant in the high street can serve up a much healthier Valentine's Day meal than anything you could cook at home.
2♥ Nobody ever (ever) buys you a box of chocolates.
2♥ It's much better to share a bottle of wine than attempt to drink it all yourself.
3♥ Oysters, truffles and other aphrodisiacs are really bad for you.
3♥ Regular sex burns 5 calories a minute, and keeps you fit and agile too.
4♥ You're willing to spend ages at the gym attempting to look fit enough to attract a partner.
4♥ You always try hard to keep yourself in good shape for your partner's sake.
5♥ You can play football on a Sunday morning without your partner insisting you stay home and retile the kitchen instead.
5♥ You can stay in bed on a Sunday morning and still get plenty of exercise.
5 reasons why being single is bad for your health
5 reasons why being coupled is bad for your health
1♥ It's never worth cooking for one, so you eat far too many ready meals and takeaways.
1♥ It's too much trouble to cook yourselves a decent meal every night so you eat out much too often.
2♥ You spend too many nights indoors slouching on your sofa watching the telly with nothing to do but eat crisps.
2♥ You spend half of every Saturday morning sat in a coffee shop with your beloved sipping cappucinos and nibbling on a muffin.
3♥ Not having a relationship risks sending you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression.
3♥ The break-up of your relationship will one day send you spiralling into gloomy pizza-eating depression.
4♥ Nobody cares what you look like, so why bother going to all the effort of keeping yourself fit?
4♥ You've already found your partner, so it doesn't matter if let your body go to seed a bit.
5♥ If you ever suffer a heart attack, there's nobody around to notice and ring for an ambulance.
5♥ The stress of living with someone else greatly increases the risk that you'll suffer a heart attack.
The Times newspaper's website updated last week. It was an absolute dog's breakfast on the first day, but the intended lime-green multimedia environment later emerged. One of the website's special new features is an online audio/video section entitled Cool In Your Code. This is a web TV extravaganza in which three energetic young presenters travel around London, postcode by postcode, reporting back on what they find. "We've walked the streets, toured the bars and poked our noses into the homes of London's most vibrant districts to find the places which make the capital special." This is most definitely not The Times of old. But the newspaper must be very proud of Cool In Your Code because they're promoting it with special adverts on tube trains. So I wondered what they'd made of my postcode, E3, and I thought I'd check it out.
Ah, Cool In Your Code hasn't got to E3 yet. Nor have they reached W8, SE1, NW1 or even W1. So far they've only covered Hoxton, which is sort-of N1-ish, and absolutely nowhere else. Great start, guys. We'll have to make do with Hoxton then. There are three Hoxtonesque video snippets to choose from - one on property (ie estate agents), one on culture (ie art and shopping) and one on nightlife (ie bars and restaurants). If you click carefully enough, one of them might even load (I had no luck in Firefox and had to start up Internet Explorer instead). Look, moving pictures! The future, alas, is not text-driven.
The three Cool In Your Code presenters could be straight out of Saturday morning TV, and they're really really keen to show us everything that this postcode has to offer. Well, just the tiny area around Hoxton Square, because that's where the only Cool in Hoxton seems to be. Each broadcast is flash, hip and snappy, with a nagging jazz soundtrack underneath. Let's whizz round a gallery and meet some artists, let's chat to a chef working in a restaurant kitchen, and let's ask a nightclub owner what makes his nightclub so great. Everything is dynamic, everything is "vibrant" and everything is upbeat. Presumably this is because the film crew had to seek permission from the owner of each establishment they entered, and therefore there are no negative comments about anything whatsoever. Yes, this is really just a lot of hyped-up PR disguised as editorial, and more fool us for watching it.
And where is Cool In Your Code going next? The site lists a few teaser previews to whet your appetite: Marylebone W1 (home to "London's most fabulous kitchen emporia"), Borough SE1 ("a cornucopia of delight") and Crouch End N8 ("crossroads of culture"). At least they're breaking out of Zone 1 predictability with that last location, but I think it could be a long time before the cheesy threesome come to see what Cricklewood, Thamesmead or Bow have to offer. Not enough boutiques, bars and property investment opportunities, I suspect. And what do the millions of Times readers living outside London make of all this, I wonder. Will there ever be a Cool in Your Code for Bootle L20, or Scunthorpe DN15, or Stornoway HS1? I think not.
So Cool In Your Code isn't cool, and it isn't in your postcode. Apart from that, it's perfectly named. But if you're an aspirational Londoner with money to burn and time to kill, then it might be right up your street. Just as soon as they reach Chelsea SW10, that is.
As every serious blogger knows, the key objective behind regular blogging is the acquisition of wealth. It may be cool to earn the respect and adoration of one's online peers, but at the end of the day it's the financial rewards which make blogging worthwhile. So today, with the need to monetize always uppermost, I'm going to be asking myself the crucial question "What's my blog's Mission Statement?". I'm sure you'll all learn something profitable from my expert analysis and perceptive musings. And then I hope you'll all link to today's post on your own blogs, and Digg it so that my thoughts are broadcast to the global audience they so clearly deserve.
A Mission Statement, as we all know, is a summary description of an entity's purpose. All businesses have a mission statement, and employees always find them to be motivating and inspirational. So why doesn't your blog have one? Without a Mission Statement your blog will surely continue to blunder blindly down some online cul-de-sac, unfocused and unable to meet key financial targets. What every professional blog requires is a single brief statement of intent, preferably scribbled on a Post-It note and affixed to the edge of a computer screen where it can't be overlooked. You know it makes sense.
I'm certainly keen to climb aboard the brand-marketing bandwagon myself, because this can only help to facilitate value-added empowerment through the accumulation of high-yield click-through ad-wealth. But there'll be no meaningless buzzwords in my Mission Statement, oh no. Here's my first attempt at generating a succinct summary to describe why my blog exists.
"The diamond geezer mission is to enjoy writing stuff about life in London and other places and things, and to publish my views and opinions."
It's a good first effort, but there's no mention of money. I mean, come on, it's surely the sole reason for any blog's existence, and it needs to be at the heart of any core statement of intent. Let's try again.
"The diamond geezer mission is to enjoy writing stuff about life in London and other places and things, to publish my views and opinions, and to make lots of money."
That's better, but it's still all a bit sprawling and unfocused. The opening phrase needs tightening up to concentrate on just one key area. To make it big in the blogosphere, only a narrow topic focus is permissible. I need to write only about London, and to abandon everything else I currently waffle on about. How otherwise will first-time visitors instantly understand my blog's intrinsic professional focus?
"The diamond geezer mission is to enjoy writing stuff about life in London, to publish my views and opinions, and to make lots of money."
But whether or not I enjoy writing about London should be totally irrelevant. What really matters is that my readers keep coming back for more, like greedy text-whores, because every pageload is a potential ad click. Audience is everything, so the publication of quality linkbait is essential.
"The diamond geezer mission is to write entertaining stuff about life in London, to publish my views and opinions, and to make lots of money."
As yet I've not mentioned one of my key blog characteristics, namely that I publish daily. My regular and predictable posting format means that customers can make diamond geezer part of their regular surfing routine. Make it a habit, keep them hooked.
"The diamond geezer mission is to write entertaining stuff about life in London, to publish my views and opinions every day, and to make lots of money."
Nearly there, but it needs to be snappier. Why waste several words on an important concept if that idea could be summarised in one or two? Shorter means more memorable, and my blog's Mission Statement needs to be simple enough to be at the heart of everything I write. Like so.
"My views on life in London: Entertaining, Exploiting, Every day."
That's great. See how the core values of my blog are now summarised in three alliterative keywords - the 3 Es. One last tidy-up should do it.
"life viewed from London E3"
Perfect. Now all I need do is publish my new Mission Statement somewhere prominent - say at the top of my sidebar - and every visitor will know exactly what I stand for. Why don't you follow suit?
The ShippingForecast issued by the Met Office covers 31 different sea areas. Below are picture clues to the names of 24 of them. How many can you identify? (Answers in the comments box)
There are more than ten thousand events altogether in the Visit London What's On database. Using a special online search form, it's supposed to be possible to refine this list to select only events meeting certain criteria. As we discovered yesterday, searching by date is bloody useless. But several other database searches are even worse...
1) You searched for all events with car parking for 10 Feb 2007 onwards. We're sorry, but there are no results for your search.
2) You searched for all events with wheelchair access for 10 Feb 2007 onwards. We're sorry, but there are no results for your search.
3) You searched for all events with a hearing loop for 10 Feb 2007 onwards. We're sorry, but there are no results for your search.
So, according to the Visit London website, not one single event in our capital city is accessible to the physically disabled or the hearing impaired. This is clearly untrue. The search engine has been set up to search for these categories, but NOT ONE event has been tagged as accessible. If I were one of Visit London's paying advertisers operating a disabled-friendly venue, I'd be livid.
5) You searched for all free events for 10 Feb 2007 onwards. We're sorry, but there are no results for your search.
And again. Thousands of the ten thousand events in the Visit London database charge nothing for entry, but NOT ONE has been tagged as 'free'. So if you search for free events, not one shows up. This is gobsmackingly lazy programming and website design.
6) How about searching by location? Still not great. You can't search for events within a certain radius of somewhere - it's all or nothing. If the location you enter doesn't appear in the event's address, Visit London won't find it. Ask for events in E3, for example, and you get 40... but ask for events in Bow and you get nothing. It's all a bit old school.
8) At the other end of the scale, several events in the database are listed ridiculously far into the future. The Elmbridge Museum in Weybridge is launching a special Olympics exhibition on 16 February next year. Book now for next year's Lord Mayor's Firework Display on 9 November 2008 (quick, before your diary fills up). The late night Ceremony of Keys at the Tower of London apparently continues until 31 December 2010 (but not beyond, for some reason). Most forward-looking of all, we're told that Brazilian musician Seu Jorge is playing the Roundhouse in Camden on 12 November 2012. That's got to be data-entry incompetence, surely? On the Visit London website, it almost certainly is.
Visit London is the official visitor organisation for London. They receive public funding from the Department for Culture, Media and Sport. They employ about 70 staff. They run a very important service encouraging tourists worldwide to visit our capital city. And their search engine is unexpectedly bloody useless. Here's why.
I'm going to test out Visit London's website by asking the question What special events are taking place in London tomorrow? That should be simple enough for London's official visitor website to answer. Let's see how they do.
Next:Show all special events for... tomorrow "You searched for all events, in Special events, for 10 Feb 2007 to 11 Feb 2007. Your search returned 870 results." Hang on, I only asked for events tomorrow, but this bungling website has decided I meant "tomorrow and the day after" instead. No I don't, I really only want tomorrow. I'll have to Refine the search myself...
Next:Refine your search - When? From 10 Feb 2007 to 10 Feb 2007 "Your search returned 854 results" What, seriously? 854 special events taking place in London tomorrow? That's fantastic - what a choice! Although this might make finding the really special events quite difficult, mightn't it? Let's start at the top of the list of 854 events and work our way down...
Event 1:20th Century Decorative Arts, Sothebys [30 Jan 2007 to 13 Mar 2007] Clicking through to the information page reveals that this is an evening course, run twice over three consecutive Tuesdays. It doesn't actually happen on a Saturday at all. It shouldn't be on the list.
Event 4:Act For Fun, Lantern, SW20 [1 Jan 2006 to 31 Dec 2007] Clicking through to the information page reveals that this is a paid-for theatre workshop which takes place every Tuesday evening in Raynes Park. It doesn't actually happen on a Saturday at all. It shouldn't be on the list.
Event 5 and Event 8 happen every Saturday, but you had to enrol your child several weeks ago. Event 6 happens every Tuesday and Event 7 every Thursday. Event 9 only happens on the final Friday of the month. And Event 10 isn't an event at all, it's the children's activity cart at the V&A. I don't know about you, but I've lost all interest in scrolling any further down the list. If there is an appropriate one-day-only event amongst the remaining 844 listed activities, I really can't be bothered to hunt it down.
The problem here is the incompetent design of the Visit London events database. Every event has been labelled according to its start and finish dates, not by the dates on which it actually happens. Most recurring events have been labelled "1 Jan 2006 to 31 Dec 2007" and so apparently happen every day for two years, even though they don't. And the database isn't being updated properly either. It's no good searching for events by date at all, because all you get is a sprawling inaccurate date-irrelevant list.
I rue the relentless rise of database-driven websites. No longer are we treated to carefully considered internet pages written by sentient humans, just computer-generated lists created from input search criteria. You can't just browse any more, you have to ask questions first. And the Visit London database can't answer those questions properly, and so churns out garbage instead. What a waste of a potentially very useful resource.
I wanted to contact Visit London to tell them what I thought of their wholly ineffective search engine, except they insist I register with the site before they'll let me email them. Stuff that. So I've had to find some proper special events happening in London tomorrow via othersources. Much easier. Here's five, if you're interested:
URGENT EMAIL ALERT TO ALL LONDONERS: Final snowfall imminent
London 00:00: The Met Office has issued a warning that heavy snowfall is imminent across the Greater London area. Snow cover up to a depth of several inches is anticipated over the next few hours. This is expected to be the heaviest snowstorm seen in the capital for several years. And, thanks to global warming, it will also be the last.
That's right. Southeast England is getting warmer, thanks to the greenhouse effect. And this means no more snow, ever. Future London winters will be much too mild for the white stuff. We might get a bit of sleet maybe, but nothing more than that - nothing that'll ever settle. It's an absolute meteorological certainty, honest it is. No more snow.
It's your own fault, you know. You've been busy burning fuel and driving cars and heating offices and consuming goods and flying planes, and all of this extra carbon in the atmosphere adds up. Our climate is about to be altered permanently and irrevocably, and soon. Which means that today's snowfall will be London's last. You'd better use the day wisely.
We urge you to take the day off work. Come on. If today is London's last ever day of snow, you don't want to miss it. It'll all have melted by tonight, so this really is your last chance. You don't want to be stuck in the office when you could be outdoors enjoying the snow cover instead. Have one last snowball fight, perhaps, just like when you were a kid. Go stomp around on the pavement leaving deep crunchy footprints. Satisfy your creative urges by building a snowman on your front doorstep. Or knock together a makeshift sledge and go skidding headfirst down that treacherous slope in your local park. You know you want to. Take the day off and enjoy some 'proper' winter weather.
Come on, taking the day off will be easy. It only takes a single flake of snow for London's transport network to grind to a halt, and we're expecting several million flakes this morning. There's no point in going to the station or waiting at the bus stop because everything will be cancelled. And even if by some freak your service is running, just phone into the office and pretend that it isn't. They'll believe you, because it's snowing. And it's the last time you'll ever be able to use this excuse, so you'd better use it while you can.
Wrap up warm, grab your camera and go take some photographs of London in the snow. Drifts along the Embankment; Green Park beneath a carpet of white; swirling grey clouds viewed from Primrose Hill; Big Ben with frosty pinnacles; your house with flake-topped tiles; the lot. Take as many photographs as you possibly can. Take hundreds, thousands if necessary, because you'll never be able to take these photos again. Store them away to show your children, and grandchildren, because they'll never see London in white. And neither will you, after today.
Final snowfall is imminent. Make the most of it.
Disclaimer: It is just possible that estimates of today's snow depth may have been wildly over-exaggerated. Over-dramatic weather forecasts occur, all too frequently, for which we apologise. In which case you've already missed London's last proper snowy day, which was way back in December 2000. Sorry we forgot to warn you at the time.
London's not an easy city to get the hang of, especially on foot. The London A-Z shows a myriad of intersecting streets, sideroads and alleyways - all extremely hard to memorise. Harry Beck'sUnderground map famously did away with the conventions of reality, reducing London to a simple series of lines and intersections. It's perfect for making linear tube journeys, but deceptive and misleading if used for finding your bearings on the street. How many tourists have hailed a taxi from Covent Garden to Temple when they should have walked, or tried walking from Barbican to Angel only to find the journey considerably further than it looked? What London's pedestrians need is a simpler mental picture of where places really are, and how to get from one to another.
And that's why a London Pedestrian Routemap[jpg] is now under development. This map condenses the complexity of central London's streets to a manageable network of colour-coded key routes. It's part of a 'spatial accessibility' research project put together by a Shoreditch consortium called Space Syntax, and may one day end up becoming semi-official. Highlighted routes include a main east-west axis from Notting Hill to Aldgate via Oxford Street, intersected by several north-south corridors. Parkland routes feature strongly, as do Thamesside walks and the Regent's Canal towpath. Overall the network is no more complex than the London tube map, giving it a good chance of being understood and internalised. Blimey, you might even find it useful.
The map is still work in progress, so it's easy to pick apart some of the design's current idiosyncrasies. The colours used aren't distinctive enough, for example, and too few street names are shown to help you to navigate around with any accuracy. But as a mental representation of essential London routes it does a fine job. If this new map encourages walking in the capital it can only be a good thing. And if it ever saves you from forking out a tenner on an unnecessary taxi, even better.
The English Tourist Board has just launched a special promotional website called England Rocks, which lists locations you might want to visit in search of our nation's pop and rock heritage. If you can spare the time waiting for the site to load, they've mapped and listed 186 suggestions for places to go. I can see why a true fan might want to visit Dusty Springfield's grave or the Cornish venue where Queen made their debut, but some of the other suggestions for a rock pilgrimage are plainly ridiculous. Jarvis Cocker's boyhood wet fish stall, anyone, or maybe the Reading watermill featured on the cover of Black Sabbath's eponymous first album? I think not. Anyway, I'd like to propose the following as the website's most ludicrous music-related tourist suggestion:
"Grimsby: The town's trawler boats, lights, candy floss and fairground at the pier provided inspiration for Elton John's song, Grimsby - "Oh oh Grimsby/a thousand delights/Couldn't match the sweet sights/Of my Grimsby/Oh England you're fair/But there’s none to compare with my Grimsby". www.visitgrimsby.co.uk"
I don't know what you did over the weekend, but I took a train down to Eastbourne and went for a 10 mile walk along the coast. Because I'd never been before. Because the weather was blue-skied and perfect. And because it was a grand day out.
Seaside postcard 4: Seven Sisters It's 25 years since I last went on a proper geography field trip, so I thought it was about time for another. And the unspoilt undulating coastline to the west of Beachy Head was an absolute delight, as I and a handful of brave winter ramblers discovered at the weekend.
The Seven Sisters are a three mile stretch of chalky cliffs, visible from the English Channel as a rollercoaster of white. Western access is at Birling Gap, a small National Trust owned hamlet whose fishing cottages are disappearing slowly, gradually, into the sea. Most visitors seem perfectly happy to explore no further than 100 yards from the car park, either popping into the cafe for a cup of tea or scrambling down the rickety iron steps onto the pebbly beach. It's a perfect fossil-collecting spot, so I'm told, although I arrived at high tide so I didn't risk a cliff-foot stroll. And it's a naturist beach too, apparently, although February probably isn't the best time to see evidence of this.
I headed slightly inland instead, to scale the first of seven consecutive grassy peaks. There were several steep-ish ascents along the way, although those walking in the opposite direction seemed to have the harder job. To the north was very ordinary windswept downland, while to the south this suddenly, abruptly, vanished into thin air along a rippling fault line [photo]. A thin layer of grass and topsoil disguised the unstable geological truth beneath my feet, tempting me to walk closer to the chalk-supported edge than might have been wholly sensible. A biplane flew past several times, soaring across the sea but below clifftop level. I strode onward over each successive brow, disguising each panting pause for breath by standing to admire the evolving view.
I'm sure I'd counted eight peaks, not the pre-requisite seven, when I finally reached the end of the chain. Here the cliffs dropped back down to sea level, affording magnificent views down across the Cuckmere valley to Seaford Head. Scores of visitors were scuttling along the mile-long riverside path from the car park to the sea, enjoying a conveniently zero-contour afternoon out. But they were missing out on the valley's finest feature - a snaking series of textbook-perfect meanders - properly visible only from above [photo]. Throw in a smattering of oxbow lakes and you have, surely, a geography teacher's wet dream. But maybe not for much longer. Existing channel patterns are under threat from Environment Agency proposals to abandon the flood defences at the mouth of the river, creating a future landscape of saltmarsh and mudflats. So if you fancy a field trip to the East Sussex coast, come soon. Around here you never know quite how long the scenery is going to last.
Seaside postcard 3: Belle Tout lighthouse • The Belle Tout lighthouse was built on the southwestern flank of Beachy Head in 1828. Back then the arched front door that you can see in this photograph was at ground level, 100 feet from the cliff edge. • It soon became apparent that building a lighthouse on top of mist-prone sea cliffs wasn't a good idea, so a new lighthouse was constructed further down the coast, at sea level. • In 1902 Belle Tout was decommissioned and sold off as "a small, substantial 3-storey building.". It remains Britain's only residential lighthouse. • During World War 2 the lighthouse was abandoned and Canadian troops used the area around it for target practice. Their mortar damage was later repaired and the building restored to private use. • In 1986 the BBC bought the lighthouse to use as the setting for their award-winning adaptation of Fay Weldon's The Life and Loves of a She-Devil (Julie T Wallace's creepy character lived here). • By the time Mark and Louise Roberts bought the lighthouse in 1996, the cliff edge was only 30 feet away from their front door. A particularly nasty storm in 1998 took out another 20 feet, leaving their new home especially vulnerable to further erosion. • In 1999 the Roberts took the extraordinary step of having the entire lighthouse lifted up onto hydraulic jacks and moved55feet further inland. Crowds came to watch as the lighthouse slid slowly onto fresh granite foundations, and the brick outbuilding nextdoor was shifted across to become the upper storey of a new family home. • Today the raised circular scar where the tower used to stand is still visible [photo], but another big storm might see it tumble. The access road looks like it'll be next to go (I sat on the narrow roadside verge and dangled my camera right over the edge [photo]). • The Roberts now run a bed and breakfast from their unique clifftop home. It's probably safe enough for a good few decades yet, but would you dare stay the night?
Seaside postcard 2: BeachyHead Beachy Head boasts the highest chalk cliffs on the British coastline, which at 162 metres are half as tall again as St Paul's Cathedral. As one of the world's most popular suicidedestinations, it's all just a bit too convenient. It's possible to walk right up to the edge, in places at least, and gawp straight down onto the jagged white rocks below. The tiny red- and white-banded lighthouse offshore gives a clue to just how high up you're standing [photo], and how much damage you could do to yourself if you slipped. It's a challenging walk to reach here from Eastbourne, over the eastern tip of the South Downs, with a lengthy ascent which ought to deter potential desperados from any hasty action. But there are still more than 20 suicides in this remote spot every year, for which I blame the close proximity of a winding clifftop road. And the bus stop.
There ought to be plenty of distractions on top of Beachy Head to divert the self-destructive mind. There's a Brewer's Fayre pub, for a start, plus a Countryside Centre (and gift shop) nextdoor. If these don't steady the nerves there's also a specially installed telephone box with its very own hotline to the Samaritans (something I've only ever seen before on the westbound platforms at Mile End station). Should you reach the grassy expanse on the edge of the headland you might still be challenged by one of the Beachy Head Frontline Chaplaincy Team - a group of volunteer Christians in luminous jackets (emblazoned 'Chaplain') who patrol the area seeking lost souls to becalm. If they don't stop you, maybe the floral tributes and small wooden crosses affixed to the cliff edge will make you think again about those you're about to leave behind [photo]. Alas, this intricate chain of precautionary measures doesn't always work.
But, despite the number of deaths at this unfortunate spot, nobody's ever considered erecting a sturdy safety barrier or barricading off the whole area. If these clifftops were suddenly out of bounds, potential jumpers would simply wander a few hundred yards in either direction and hurl themselves over the edge there instead. The natural beauty of this spot survives, untainted by any nannying risk analysis or Health and Safety regulations. Check the prevailing wind conditions and stand as close to the precipice as you dare, remembering that the entire fragile cliff face could quite easily tumble down into the sea at any time anyway. Play safe and the view from Beachy Head isn't deadly, it's fantastically exhilarating. Your risk, you choose.
Seaside postcard 1: Eastbourneseafront Nobody goes to the seaside in February, not unless they already live there. You won't find holidaymakers sauntering up and down the classy Eastbourne seafront, not yet, just elderly locals out walking their dogs or taking a midwinter constitutional. This is the retirement zone, where the afternoon pre-Countdown slot is best filled by a healthy stroll from the WishtowerTearooms to the terraced Italian Gardens and back again. I felt positively juvenile compared to most of the couples I met along the promenade, many of whom I suspect will continue their daily walks until the time comes to have their own dedicated memorial bench.
Eastbourne Pier[photo] may be open, but don't visit expecting to be entertained. Most of the shops and kiosks are closed for the winter, so if you've come in search of a tattoo or a lucky crystal you'll be disappointed. Artificial flowers and chips appear to be available all year round, however. The pier's owners are taking the opportunity to spruce up the external blue and white paintwork, and hopefully after they've finished they'll rub down the seagull-splattered deck seating too. At the end of the pier the Atlantis nightclub boasts live entertainment on the first Thursday of each month (perfect if a Village People tribute band are your scene, probably best avoided if not). A pair of forlorn grubby staircases lead up onto the nightclub roof, and then ascend again to a peeling wooden dome. Inside is the pier's pride and joy - a Camera Obscura - although at present the door is locked and this is just an unvisited, elevated dead end. It's all too quiet, from tip to shore. For those who work here, spring can't come a day too soon.
Sandwiched between the river Lea and the Eastway cycle circuit, slap bang where the 2012 Olympics will take place, is a thin strip of productive agricultural land. These are the Manor Gardens Allotments - an unlikely green oasis in the midst of a drab industrial backwater. The allotments are ecologically sound, carbon-friendly and fully sustainable. They encourage healthy living and are supportive of a multicultural community. Indeed, they tick almost every box that a "Green Olympics" facility ought to have - every box except 'location', that is. Because (according to the 2012 masterplan) a big concrete footpath is needed here instead, to guide spectators towards the Velodrome, BMX track and Fencing Hall. It wouldn't be acceptable to incorporate allotments growing cucumbers in the middle of a highly-secure Olympic site, obviously, so everybody has to move out. In less than two months time.
The allotment holders of Manor Gardens are mightily annoyed at having to abandon their cultivation to the bulldozer. And rightly so. These allotments have been here for 100 years, and were bequeathed 'in perpetuity', whereas the Olympic footpath will be used for just four and a bit weeks. There'll be no sustainable food production on site in 2012, just the usual corporate suspects peddling burgers, paninis and cappucinos. Not surprisingly the owners have been protesting loudly. They've established an angry but endearing blog and have set up an online e-petition which has already attracted several hundred signatures. A few weeks ago they held a locally-produced 'New YearFeast' on the allotment site, with a Sunset Barbecue lit by a fake Olympic flame. They don't stand a chance of standing in the way of imminent redevelopment, of course, but at least they're trying.
The entrance to the allotments is well hidden, down an unsignposted track off Waterden Road between a bus garage and an auction site. Access is via a dedicated footbridge across the Lea, then up a gentle slope into the allotments proper. It's a much larger site than you'd probably be expecting - fairly narrow but stretching off some considerable distance in both directions. Walk down the central trackway and you'll discover a motley collection of sheds and lean-tos amidst a patchwork of tilled soil, wheelbarrows and water butts. There's a definite feeling of a 'village' community amongst the 85 plots - you almost expect Arthur Fowler to come walking out of one of the sheds clutching a spade and a steaming mug of tea. It's a charming tranquil spot, even in midwinter.
In past summers these allotments must have been a riot of colour and growth, but at present they lie fallow and pale in doomed hibernation. A handful of diehard gardeners can still be seen tending their patches, pulling up the weeds and preparing for the season ahead. I do hope they've planted something which harvests before Easter.
But I don't want to change, thanks. And I'm most definitely not alone. I like Flickr because it's a lovely clean web service which functions very smoothly. I've only ever had to log in once - months and months and months ago - and my computer has remembered who I am ever since. Whereas I'm afraid my experience of web behemoth Yahoo! is somewhat different. Their over-enthusiastic logging-in system forces me to log in at regular intervals whenever I have the misfortune to be using a Yahoo!-owned page. This is because "Yahoo! automatically signs you off after a certain number of hours to protect your Yahoo! ID from misuse". Officially I can set this log-off delay to a maximum of 2 weeks, but I've never known Yahoo! remember me for 14 hours, let alone 14 days, the bastards. Yahoo's other services may be great (and that's debatable), but this persistent insistence on forever logging me off has led me to associate the Yahoo! brand with the phrase "crap browsing experience". And now this crap browsing experience is coming to my online photo collection, whether I like it or not. And if I don't like it, all my photos get deleted. Because change sucks.
Whatever you may have read here last week, I've not yet upgraded my blog to the "new Blogger". I have yet to hear one single evangelical comment from anybody who's switched, just an awful lot of moaning that certain functions are now less functional than before. In which case, how unbearably sanctimonious is Blogger's message above? "Embrace" "Lucky" "Befriend" ...you can almost hear the sound of several thousand bloggers being violently sick as you read it. Blogger have made it sound as if they're doing us Old Skool bloggers a favour, whereas in fact we're all doing Google a favour instead. So please excuse me if my blog suddenly disappears (temporarily) at some point in the near future. It'll just be me and my site being made more marketable, "for my own good". Because change sucks.
Yahoo! want my photos and Google want my words. They may not want to exploit my content directly, but they sure as hell want to track my progress (and your progress) across the internet as part of one über-connected profit-grabbing advertising empire. I realise that change is often essential, and that change often brings improvement. But I just wish that Yahoo! and Google would each stop pretending that their latest upgrade is good for me, when it's clearly been designed to be oh-so good for them instead. We submit, they profit. Because change pays.
Voting for the 2007 Bloggies ends in 27 hours time. I wouldn't dream of telling you who to vote for in the hotly contested "Best British or Irish blog" category. But it would make me (and a certain ex-pat Gooner) very happy if the baseball-free Arseblog won the award for "Best Sports Blog". And if you could take the time to go back and vote for me in the 2006 awards, that would be even better.
When you leave the office tonight, don't pick up a London freesheet from those crazed thrusting guys in the street. Save the planet's resources by printing out today's special diamond geezer post on a single sheet of paper instead, and enjoy a fantastic read on the train home.
the London Litter
CELEB SPOTTED IN SOHO BAR exclusive photos!!
We spotted a nearly famous celebrity in a central London bar last night. She was out drinking with her mates, and she was looking a bit rough. Her make-up was smudged and she had a tiny blemish on her cheek. We think her classy image has really taken a tumble. We were shocked by her imperfection, and we think you will be too. (photos page 11)
PROPERTY HOTSPOT TUMBLE
Fears are growing that home owners in Kensington and Chelsea may see their assets rise in value by only 40% this year. Estate agent Pamela de la Cruz told us "Detached five bedroom villas are no longer the get-rich goldmine they once were."
MAYOR DENIES ROCK BAND RUMOURS
Ken Livingstone has denied that he intends to form a guitar band with other key members of the London Assembly. "Ken has no plans to show off his strumming skills at the Olympic opening ceremony," a spokeswoman said, "and anyway, U2 are already booked."
SOME REAL NEWS HAS HAPPENED
Something very important was announced by the government today. It will have major political repercussions and may also lead to higher air fares, according to something we read on the Sky News website.
LATEST TUBE DISRUPTION Piccadilly line: Minor delays due to pigeon Jubilee line: Family of tourists blocking escalator at Bond Street Victoria line: A bit squashed in the second carriage
TONIGHT'S WEATHER
8 degrees - dry with damp bits. Don't forget your galoshes.
PRINCE HARRY'S BALD PATCH see page 7
NEW BROCCOLI HEALTH SCARE SHOCK Russian scientists have confirmed that eating broccoli may not reduce fine lines and wrinkles, even though a Dutch survey yesterday said it did. Instead broccoli may help to cut the risk of heart disease, although only in hamsters, according to yet another survey we read in the Daily Mail this morning. LaVitae Broccoli Capsules, £39.
News in brief: A Chinese grandmother is recovering in hospital after being hit by a fish.
RESTAURANT REVIEW
We've been to a really expensive restaurant in Mayfair that you couldn't possibly afford to dine at, but we were on expenses and it was fab, and we saw lots of celebs (well, Patsy Kensit), so there.
YOUR TEXT MESSAGES
• "I think taxi drivers should be castrated at birth." Samantha, Putney
• "People who play loud music on buses should be shot. I'd volunteer." Colin, Surrey
• "Can anyone recommend a good halal butcher in Dulwich? Penelope, SE21
MINI-SUDOKU 3 6
8 2
4 7
SPORTS NEWS
Your favourite London football team have been involved with transfer deals recently, and they have an important match coming up soon, and the manager says they have every hope of winning, but there are injury rumours, and their disappointing league position may not improve.
Please dispose of this London freesheet responsibly
Only one TV channel has ever perfected the design of its pre-programme idents, and that channel is BBC2. It's now 16 years since BBC2 introduced its series of animated 2s (you know - the paint-splattered 2, the falling-blade 2, the spinning-shadow 2, and so on), and these are generally accepted as the best TV ident branding ever. Channel 4's coloured bars probably ran it a close second, but everybody loved the wit and clarity of the BBC2 twos. So much so that the series ran for a full 10 years, with additional animations introduced at regular intervals. Many of these new 2s were even better than the originals - the squeaky-jumping 2, the radio-controlled wheelie 2, the exploding 2, the fly-zapping 2, the doner-kebab 2, etc etc. Through such simple yet powerful branding, everybody knew that BBC2 stood for creativity, mischief and innovation. And it was never a chore to sit through the ten seconds before the start of each programme while the announcer told you what was coming up next.
Liveblogging the Brits
Shipping Forecast quiz
We urge you to take the day off work. Come on. If today is London's last ever day of snow, you don't want to miss it. It'll all have melted by tonight, so this really is your last chance. You don't want to be stuck in the office when you could be outdoors enjoying the snow cover instead. Have one last snowball fight, perhaps, just like when you were a kid. Go stomp around on the pavement leaving deep crunchy footprints. Satisfy your creative urges by building a snowman on your front doorstep. Or knock together a makeshift sledge and go skidding headfirst down that treacherous slope in your local park. You know you want to. Take the day off and enjoy some 'proper' winter weather.
The Seven Sisters are a three mile stretch of chalky cliffs, visible from the English Channel as a rollercoaster of white. Western access is at Birling Gap, a small National Trust owned hamlet whose fishing cottages are disappearing slowly, gradually, into the sea. Most visitors seem perfectly happy to explore no further than 100 yards from the car park, either popping into the cafe for a cup of tea or scrambling down the rickety iron steps onto the pebbly beach. It's a perfect fossil-collecting spot, so I'm told, although I arrived at high tide so I didn't risk a cliff-foot stroll. And it's a naturist beach too, apparently, although February probably isn't the best time to see evidence of this.
I'm sure I'd counted eight peaks, not the pre-requisite seven, when I finally reached the end of the chain. Here the cliffs dropped back down to sea level, affording magnificent views down across the Cuckmere valley to Seaford Head. Scores of visitors were scuttling along the mile-long riverside path from the car park to the sea, enjoying a conveniently zero-contour afternoon out. But they were missing out on the valley's finest feature - a snaking series of textbook-perfect meanders - properly visible only from above [photo]. Throw in a smattering of oxbow lakes and you have, surely, a geography teacher's wet dream. But maybe not for much longer. Existing channel patterns are under threat from Environment Agency proposals to abandon the flood defences at the mouth of the river, creating a future landscape of saltmarsh and mudflats. So if you fancy a field trip to the East Sussex coast, come soon. Around here you never know quite how long the scenery is going to last.
• The Belle Tout lighthouse was built on the southwestern flank of Beachy Head in 1828. Back then the arched front door that you can see in this photograph was at ground level, 100 feet from the cliff edge.
Beachy Head boasts the highest chalk cliffs on the British coastline, which at 162 metres are half as tall again as St Paul's Cathedral. As one of the world's most popular suicide destinations, it's all just a bit too convenient. It's possible to walk right up to the edge, in places at least, and gawp straight down onto the jagged white rocks below. The tiny red- and white-banded lighthouse offshore gives a clue to just how high up you're standing [photo], and how much damage you could do to yourself if you slipped. It's a challenging walk to reach here from Eastbourne, over the eastern tip of the South Downs, with a lengthy ascent which ought to deter potential desperados from any hasty action. But there are still more than 20 suicides in this remote spot every year, for which I blame the close proximity of a winding clifftop road. And the bus stop.
Nobody goes to the seaside in February, not unless they already live there. You won't find holidaymakers sauntering up and down the classy Eastbourne seafront, not yet, just elderly locals out walking their dogs or taking a midwinter constitutional. This is the retirement zone, where the afternoon pre-Countdown slot is best filled by a healthy stroll from the Wishtower Tearooms to the terraced Italian Gardens and back again. I felt positively juvenile compared to most of the couples I met along the promenade, many of whom I suspect will continue their daily walks until the time comes to have their own dedicated memorial bench.
2000 days to 2012
Sandwiched between the river Lea and the Eastway cycle circuit, slap bang where the 2012 Olympics will take place, is a thin strip of productive agricultural land. These are the Manor Gardens Allotments - an unlikely green oasis in the midst of a drab industrial backwater. The allotments are ecologically sound, carbon-friendly and fully sustainable. They encourage healthy living and are supportive of a multicultural community. Indeed, they tick almost every box that a "Green Olympics" facility ought to have - every box except 'location', that is. Because (according to the 2012 masterplan) a big concrete footpath is needed here instead, to guide spectators towards the Velodrome, BMX track and Fencing Hall. It wouldn't be acceptable to incorporate allotments growing cucumbers in the middle of a highly-secure Olympic site, obviously, so everybody has to move out. In less than two months time.
CELEB SPOTTED IN SOHO BAR
Russian scientists have confirmed that eating broccoli may not reduce fine lines and wrinkles, even though a Dutch survey yesterday said it did. Instead broccoli may help to cut the risk of heart disease, although only in hamsters, according to yet another survey we read in the Daily Mail this morning.
We urge you to take the day off work. Come on. If today is London's last ever day of snow, you don't want to miss it. It'll all have melted by tonight, so this really is your last chance. You don't want to be stuck in the office when you could be outdoors enjoying the snow cover instead. Have one last snowball fight, perhaps, just like when you were a kid. Go stomp around on the pavement leaving deep crunchy footprints. Satisfy your creative urges by building a snowman on your front doorstep. Or knock together a makeshift sledge and go skidding headfirst down that treacherous slope in your local park. You know you want to. Take the day off and enjoy some 'proper' winter weather.
CELEB SPOTTED IN SOHO BAR
